Narcissism In The Workplace: How To Protect Your Energy And Your Work
There’s a specific kind of confusion that happens when someone at work seems charming one day and punishing the next. You leave a meeting replaying what you said. You start second-guessing decisions you used to make easily. You feel tense before opening your inbox. And somehow, the story keeps turning into you being the problem—too sensitive, too difficult, too emotional, not a team player.
When people search “narcissism in the workplace,” they’re usually not looking for a label. They’re looking for language that matches what they’re living. They want to understand the patterns, protect their reputation, and stop losing themselves inside someone else’s reality.
This post is written to help you do exactly that—without turning your workplace into a battlefield, and without asking you to become a colder version of yourself to survive.
What Narcissistic Behaviour Can Look Like At Work
Let’s keep this behavioural and practical.
“Narcissistic” workplace behaviour often shows up as a consistent pattern of image-protection, entitlement, and a lack of consideration for how others are impacted. The person may be highly focused on status, admiration, being seen as the smartest in the room, or staying in control of the narrative.
They might be polished, persuasive, and socially skilled—especially at first. But over time, you may notice the same themes repeating:
They need to win, even in situations where collaboration would be the natural choice. They struggle with accountability. They interpret feedback as an attack.
They rewrite events to protect their image. And they often use people—consciously or unconsciously—as props in the story where they are always right, always misunderstood, always exceptional.
The important point is this: you don’t have to decide what they “are” to take your experience seriously. You only need to recognise what’s happening and respond strategically.
Common Patterns People Experience
Credit-Stealing And Visibility Games
This can be blatant—your idea presented as theirs. Or subtle—your contribution minimised while they take the spotlight.
Often the goal isn’t the work itself. It’s visibility. Who gets praise. Who looks competent. Who gets perceived as essential.
If you’re noticing this pattern, you may also notice you’re being pushed into a position where you have to “prove” your value repeatedly, even when your work is strong.
Gaslighting And Reality-Rewriting
In a workplace context, gaslighting often looks like this: a conversation happens, an agreement is made, and later it’s denied or reframed as if you misunderstood.
It can be as simple as, “I never said that,” or as slippery as, “That’s not what I meant. You’re twisting my words.”
The destabilising part isn’t just the denial. It’s the way you start questioning your own memory, perception, and professionalism.
Triangulation, Gossip, And Quiet Sabotage
This is when the person pulls others into the dynamic—subtly turning colleagues into allies, messengers, or witnesses.
You may notice:
information being shared strategically, not transparently
people acting differently around you after you’ve had conflict with this person
conversations happening about you instead of with you
Triangulation keeps you off balance and keeps them in control of the social field.
Public Undermining In Meetings
A common tactic is undermining in front of others: interrupting, correcting you aggressively, challenging your expertise, or using sarcasm. Sometimes it’s framed as “just being direct,” but the effect is to shrink your presence and elevate theirs.
If you’ve started dreading meetings or losing your words under pressure, your system is responding to a real threat: public humiliation and loss of status.
The Victim Move After Harm
When accountability approaches, the story flips. They were “just trying to help.” They’re “being attacked.” You’re “misunderstanding.” You’re “creating drama.”
This is one of the most exhausting parts, because it can make you look unreasonable for having a normal response to harmful behaviour.
Why These Dynamics Hit So Hard
High-conflict workplace behaviour isn’t just stressful. It can be disorienting on a nervous-system level.
When reality is denied, your system tries to restore order. That’s why you replay conversations. That’s why you write long drafts you never send. That’s why you over-explain and over-prepare. Your body is searching for safety through certainty.
And if you’re someone who values fairness, collaboration, and clean communication, these dynamics can feel not just difficult—but violating. You may find yourself trying to “be understood” by someone who benefits from misunderstanding you.
One of the biggest traps is the over-explaining trap: believing that if you just find the perfect wording, the dynamic will resolve.
With narcissistic patterns, the issue is rarely wording. The issue is the structure: control, image protection, and power.
First Priority: Stabilise Your Inner Ground
Before strategy, there’s steadiness.
You don’t have to be perfectly calm to protect yourself—but you do need a way to come back to your centre when your system gets activated. Because when you’re dysregulated at work, you’re more likely to overreact, over-disclose, or over-defend. And those are the moments that get used against you.
A simple practice that helps many people is a “facts and body” reset:
First, quietly name what you know is true. Not the story—just the facts.
Then notice your body: jaw, throat, chest, belly.
Then give yourself one small cue of safety: a slower exhale, feet grounded, shoulders down.
If you’re drawn to voice-based grounding, a very subtle option is a gentle hum on the exhale—quiet enough to do privately before a call or after a difficult message. The goal is not to “fix” your emotions. It’s to reduce the charge so you can respond rather than react.
Practical Protection That Doesn’t Escalate The Situation
The smartest workplace protection is the kind that looks boring from the outside.
It’s not dramatic. It’s not a confrontation. It’s process, clarity, and documentation.
Build A Quiet Documentation System
Documentation isn’t about proving someone is bad. It’s about protecting your work and your reality.
Keep it simple and factual: dates, outcomes, decisions, approvals, changes, contradictions.
A helpful rhythm is the written follow-up. After a verbal conversation, send a brief summary email or message:
“Recapping what we agreed on: I’ll deliver X by Friday. You’ll review by Tuesday. Next steps are Y.”
This does three things at once. It reduces misunderstandings, creates clarity, and quietly builds a record.
Use Boundaries That Are Concrete, Not Emotional
In high-conflict dynamics, emotional boundaries (“Please stop treating me this way”) often become a debate.
Concrete boundaries are harder to twist. They live in process:
agendas before meetings
timelines confirmed in writing
scope clarified early
decisions summarised afterward
If the person thrives on chaos, your steadiness becomes a form of protection.
The “Gray Rock” Approach, Used Wisely
You may have heard of “gray rock”—being neutral, uninteresting, and emotionally non-reactive.
In some workplaces, this helps. Especially if the person is trying to provoke emotional responses to gain control.
But gray rock can also backfire if you become too withdrawn and get framed as disengaged or uncollaborative.
A more workable version is what I call professional neutrality: calm tone, short responses, factual language, and minimal personal disclosure—while still staying visibly engaged in the actual work.
Scripts You Can Use Without Adding Fuel
You don’t need many scripts. You need a few that are simple, professional, and difficult to twist.
When interrupted in a meeting:
“I’ll finish my point, and then I’m happy to hear your thoughts.”
When credit is being blurred:
“Just to clarify ownership: I led X and delivered Y. The next step is Z.”
When someone rewrites a decision:
“My notes from Tuesday reflect A and B. If priorities have changed, can you confirm the new direction in writing?”
When pushed into urgency that feels unsafe:
“I can’t meet that timeline with quality. I can deliver X by Friday or Y by Monday—tell me which you prefer.”
These are not about winning. They’re about protecting clarity.
When It’s Your Boss: Power Dynamics And Safer Moves
When the person has authority over your workload, performance reviews, or job security, the strategy changes.
The goal becomes protection with minimal exposure.
That often means fewer “direct confrontations” and more structural choices:
Make your work visible to the right people through normal channels—updates, shared documents, status reports. Keep your tone steady.
Avoid private, emotionally loaded meetings if they tend to become distorted later. And when you do meet, follow up in writing.
If you’re in a situation where retaliation is a realistic risk, think in terms of risk management rather than moral arguments. You don’t have to prove the person is unreasonable. You have to protect your standing.
HR And Escalation: How To Increase Your Odds
HR experiences vary widely. Sometimes it’s supportive. Sometimes it’s procedural. Sometimes it protects the company more than the employee. The most empowering approach is to treat HR as a process—not a place to “be understood.”
If you choose to escalate, go in with:
A clear pattern over time, not a single incident.
Specific examples tied to policy or performance impact.
Documentation that is factual and dated.
A request framed as guidance and resolution: “What is the process for addressing ongoing undermining / hostile communication / misattribution of work?”
If your workplace has formal systems—reporting tools, ombuds, manager escalation pathways—use the system that offers the most protection for your role.
And if the behaviour crosses into harassment, discrimination, or threats, it may be wise to seek professional advice outside the organisation so you’re not navigating alone.
The Exit Question: When Staying Costs Too Much
Sometimes the healthiest move is not to out-strategise a toxic dynamic forever.
A simple question can clarify a lot:
Is this environment strengthening me—or shrinking me?
If your body is chronically braced, your sleep is disrupted, your confidence is eroding, and you’ve tried reasonable strategies without change, it may be time to consider an exit plan. Not impulsively. Quietly. Strategically.
Leaving doesn’t mean you failed. It means you’re choosing a life where your energy isn’t consumed by psychological warfare.
Rebuilding Self-Trust After A Toxic Dynamic
Even after you’re out of the immediate situation—physically or emotionally—the aftershock can linger.
You may notice:
You doubt yourself more than you used to.
You rehearse conversations constantly.
You feel guarded with new colleagues.
You second-guess your competence.
This is a normal response to prolonged undermining. A powerful rebuilding practice is returning to what you know is true about you, based on evidence—not on the narrative you were placed inside.
Ask yourself:
What did I learn to ignore about my own needs?
What did I override to keep the peace?
What do I want to honour moving forward—so I don’t abandon myself again?
Rebuilding self-trust isn’t dramatic. It’s consistent. It’s learning to listen to your inner signals again—and acting on them in small, steady ways.
How Elisa Monti’s Coaching Can Support You At Work
Workplace narcissistic dynamics can make you feel like you’re losing your voice—internally and externally. You start editing yourself. You start bracing for reactions. You start explaining things that never needed explaining.
In Elisa Monti’s trauma-informed coaching, the focus is on helping you stay connected to your inner truth while you navigate high-pressure dynamics.
That can look like strengthening self-trust after gaslighting or credit theft, building boundaries that match your role and risk level, and developing language that is clear and professional without becoming hard or performative.
For clients drawn to voice-based practice, Elisa also supports gentle ways to regulate and reconnect through breath, sound, and truthful expression—so you can enter conversations with more steadiness and leave them without carrying the charge for the rest of your day.
This work is especially supportive if you’ve been over-functioning, over-explaining, or shrinking yourself to stay safe—and you’re ready to come back to yourself while still being effective at work.
Closing: You Don’t Have To Lose Yourself To Keep Your Job
If you’re dealing with narcissistic behaviour at work, your confusion makes sense. Your stress makes sense. Your hyper-awareness makes sense.
And you’re not powerless.
You can protect your work with clarity. You can protect your nervous system with steadiness. You can respond strategically without becoming someone you don’t recognise. And you can rebuild self-trust—whether you stay, escalate, or leave.
The goal is not to win a personality battle.
The goal is to keep your integrity, your energy, and your voice.
FAQs
What Are Common Signs Of Narcissistic Behaviour At Work?
Patterns often include credit-stealing, constant blame-shifting, public undermining, image management, reality-rewriting, and an inability to receive feedback without defensiveness.
How Do I Handle A Coworker Who Takes Credit For My Work?
Protect your work through visibility and documentation. Keep deliverables and ownership clear in writing, and use brief, calm clarifications in meetings when needed.
What Can I Say When Someone Rewrites What Happened?
Return to facts. Use language like: “My notes reflect X. If the plan has changed, can you confirm the new direction in writing?”
Should I Use The Gray Rock Method At Work?
Neutrality can reduce drama, but staying engaged in the work matters. Aim for calm, factual communication and limit personal disclosure—without appearing disengaged.
When Should I Go To HR?
Consider escalation when there’s a repeated pattern that affects performance, safety, or policy. Documentation, dates, and specific examples tend to help.
What If The Person Is My Boss?
Focus on risk-aware strategy: keep communication clear in writing, make your work visible through normal channels, and avoid private conflict that can be distorted later.
How Do I Protect My Reputation During Gossip Or A Smear Campaign?
Stay consistent, professional, and visible in your work. Avoid counter-gossip. Let your reliability and documentation speak louder than narrative games.
How Do I Recover After Leaving A Toxic Workplace Dynamic?
Rebuild self-trust through evidence-based self-connection: notice what you learned to ignore, practice small boundaries, and return to your voice—internally and externally.
