Public Speaking: Why It Can Feel So Terrifying
If public speaking makes your heart race, your throat tighten, or your mind go blank, you’re not alone—and you’re not weak.
For many people, standing up to speak doesn’t register as “sharing information.” It registers as exposure. Spotlight. Evaluation. The feeling of being watched, measured, and possibly rejected. Even when the room is friendly, the body can react as if something important is at risk.
That’s why public speaking can feel so terrifying: it often activates a primal protection response. Not because you’re incapable, but because your system is trying to keep you safe.
This post is here to help you understand what’s happening, and to offer practical ways to stay with yourself before, during, and after you speak—especially in work settings where stakes feel real.
What’s Happening In Your Body When You Speak
Public speaking can activate the fight-flight-freeze response: the body’s built-in alarm system. When your brain senses a threat, adrenaline rises. Your attention narrows. Your breath changes. Your muscles brace. Your voice may tighten or shake. Your hands may sweat. Your stomach may flip. You might feel a strong urge to escape, rush, or shut down.
This is not a character flaw. It’s physiology.
The tricky part is that your brain can interpret the spotlight as a “social survival” threat. You’re being seen. You’re being evaluated. You can’t fully control the reaction of the group. That uncertainty can be enough to set off the alarm.
Why Your Mind Can Go Blank Even When You Prepared
Going blank is one of the most common fears—and it’s also one of the most common experiences.
When the nervous system is activated, your ability to access memory and language smoothly can change. Your body is prioritising immediate safety over complex cognition. You might know your material, but your system is busy scanning: Are they judging me? Did I mess up? Am I safe here?
This is why some people feel “fine” in rehearsal and then freeze in the moment. The fear isn’t about the content. It’s about the social exposure.
Why Public Speaking Feels So Personal
Public speaking often touches deeper layers than we expect. It can bring up belonging, worth, competence, and identity—sometimes all at once.
Fear Of Social Judgment And Rejection
Humans are wired for belonging. In a room full of faces, the body can interpret attention as evaluation, and evaluation as risk. Even subtle cues—someone looking away, someone typing, someone whispering—can be read as “I’m failing.”
And if you have a history of being mocked, corrected harshly, or dismissed, the system may be especially sensitive to being seen.
Perfectionism And The Pressure To Be “Competent”
Many people don’t fear speaking because they have nothing to say. They fear speaking because they believe they must say it perfectly.
Perfectionism often sets an impossible standard: no stumbling, no pauses, no visible nerves, no mistakes. The body responds to that standard like a high-stakes test.
Some competitor content calls this “ego threat”—the fear of being exposed as flawed or not good enough.
In real life, it can feel like: If I mess up, they’ll know I’m not qualified.
Vulnerability And Loss Of Control
Public speaking reduces control. You can’t control reactions. You can’t control what people project onto you. You can’t fully control what your body does under stress.
For many people, that combination—visibility plus uncertainty—creates a deep sense of unsafety.
The Fear Loops That Make It Worse
Once the body associates speaking with danger, fear can become self-reinforcing. These are some common loops:
You anticipate fear, so your system activates early. You interpret the activation as proof that something is wrong. You try to control it, which adds pressure. The pressure increases the activation. And then you start focusing on your symptoms instead of your message.
A few patterns I hear people describe often:
You fear being nervous, and that fear makes you more nervous.
You fear making one mistake, and the pressure to be flawless makes your mind tighter.
You fear going blank, so you over-prepare, which can make your delivery feel rigid and fragile.
You fear being judged, so you try to read the room constantly, which pulls you away from your own centre.
None of this means you’re not meant to speak. It means you’re in a protective cycle.
Why Past Experiences Can Make Speaking Feel Even Harder
Sometimes the fear is not only about the present room. It’s about your nervous system remembering a past moment.
Maybe you froze once and felt humiliated. Maybe a teacher embarrassed you. Maybe a manager criticised you publicly. Maybe you were laughed at, interrupted, or dismissed. Even one experience like that can teach the body: Don’t do that again.
In professional settings, the stakes can amplify everything. When your reputation, credibility, or career progression feels on the line, the body treats the moment like a test of worth.
What Helps Most: Safety Before Confidence
A lot of public speaking advice focuses on confidence. But confidence often comes later.
What helps first is safety—enough steadiness in your body to stay present.
When your system feels even slightly safer, you access more of your voice, your thoughts, your pacing, your presence. And the goal isn’t to eliminate nerves. The goal is to relate to nerves differently.
A Two-Minute Grounding Routine Before You Speak
Try this quietly before a meeting, presentation, or call:
Start with your feet. Feel the contact points—heels, toes, the floor beneath you.
Let your exhale slow down. Not huge. Just a little longer than your inhale.
Soften your jaw and tongue. Let your shoulders drop one level.
Widen your vision. Instead of tunnel focus, let your eyes take in the edges of the room.
This tells your system: I’m here. I’m resourced. I don’t have to brace as hard.
An Anchor Sentence To Start
The beginning is often the hardest moment because it’s the moment of entry—when attention turns toward you.
Give yourself an opening sentence you can almost say on autopilot. Something simple and true, like:
“Today I’m going to walk you through three key points, and we’ll leave time for questions.”
“Here’s the context, what we found, and what we recommend next.”
An anchor sentence reduces the chance of blanking at the start and gives your body a runway.
What To Do If You Go Blank
If you blank, the worst thing you can do is panic internally and rush externally.
Instead, let the pause exist. Take one slow exhale. Look at your notes if you have them. Return to structure.
You can also use a bridge phrase that buys you a second:
“Let me say that another way.”
“Here’s the key point.”
“What matters most here is…”
A pause is not a failure. Often it reads as thoughtfulness.
Why Your Voice Changes Under Stress
When the nervous system is activated, breath changes. The throat can tighten. The voice can get higher, quieter, shakier, or faster.
Many people try to “fix” the voice by forcing confidence. But a steadier approach is to work with breath, pace, and resonance.
A Gentle Voice-Based Reset
This is not performance training. It’s regulation.
Before you speak, try a soft hum on the exhale for 20–30 seconds in private. Feel the vibration in your chest or lips. Then pause and notice your breath. This can help signal safety to the system and bring your voice into a steadier channel.
If humming feels awkward, try a slow exhale with a quiet “mmm” sound. Keep it small. Keep it yours.
Preparation That Calms You Instead Of Pressuring You
Preparation can either create steadiness or create more pressure. The difference is what you’re preparing for.
Prepare For Clarity, Not Perfection
Perfectionism often creates a brittle structure: if you forget one line, everything collapses.
Clarity creates a flexible structure: you know your key points, and you can return to them even if you stumble.
A simple structure that works in many settings is:
A clear purpose (what this is about).
Three points (what you want them to remember).
One next step (what you want to happen after).
You don’t need more content. You need a map.
Practice In A Small, Realistic Way
Competitor content often says “practice more,” which is true, but vague.
A more realistic approach is to build familiarity in low-stakes reps:
Say the opening out loud once a day for three days.
Summarise your three points in 60 seconds to a friend or colleague.
Practice one meeting update with a slower pace than you think you need.
The goal is not to eliminate nerves. The goal is to teach your system: I can do this and still stay with myself.
How Elisa Monti’s Trauma-Informed Coaching Supports Public Speaking Fear
Public speaking fear isn’t only about speaking. It’s often about what happens inside you when you’re being perceived.
In Elisa Monti’s trauma-informed coaching, the focus is on building inner steadiness and self-trust under observation—so you don’t abandon yourself the moment attention turns toward you. This can include working with the inner critic that drives perfectionism, strengthening boundaries around performance pressure, and developing practical tools to regulate before and after high-visibility moments.
For clients drawn to voice-based work, Elisa also supports gentle practices with breath and sound that help you reconnect to your voice as a place of grounded expression, not a test you have to pass.
The intention is simple: to help you speak from a more connected place—where your body, your words, and your presence feel like they’re on the same side.
After You Speak: A Short Aftercare Practice
Many people struggle most after speaking, when the adrenaline drops and the mind starts replaying everything that happened.
If that’s you, try this:
First, let your body come down. Take a short walk. Drink water. Feel your feet.
Then name one thing that went well—one real thing, not a forced compliment.
Then name one thing you would adjust next time, without turning it into an identity story.
The goal is to learn without self-attack. Your nervous system learns from how you treat yourself after the moment.
Closing
Public speaking can feel terrifying because the body interprets visibility as risk. That doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your system is protecting you.
The path forward is not forcing confidence. It’s building safety, clarity, and self-trust—so you can stay with yourself while you speak.
And when you do that, the fear doesn’t have to vanish for you to be powerful. It just has to stop driving.
FAQs
Why Does Public Speaking Feel Like A Survival Threat?
Because visibility and evaluation can trigger the nervous system’s fight-flight-freeze response. The body can interpret being watched as social risk, even when you’re objectively safe.
Why Do I Go Blank Even When I’m Prepared?
Stress can narrow attention and disrupt recall. Going blank is often a sign of activation, not a lack of intelligence or preparation.
How Can I Calm My Body Right Before I Speak?
Ground through the feet, slow the exhale slightly, soften the jaw and shoulders, and widen your vision. These cues reduce bracing and help you access your voice more easily.
Why Does My Voice Shake, And What Helps?
Stress affects breath and throat tension, which can change your voice. Gentle breath pacing and a short hum on the exhale can help bring steadier resonance back.
What If I Hate Being Watched Or Perceived?
That’s a common protective response. Start by building safety with small exposures, and focus on staying connected to your body rather than trying to control how you’re seen.
How Do I Stop Perfectionism From Hijacking My Talk?
Prepare for clarity, not flawless delivery. Use a simple structure (purpose, three points, next step) and give yourself an anchor sentence to start.
Does Practicing More Help Or Make It Worse?
Practice helps when it builds familiarity without adding pressure. Small, realistic reps tend to support the nervous system better than intense, perfection-driven rehearsals.
What’s A Realistic Way To Build Confidence For Work Presentations?
Build confidence through repeatable structure, an opening anchor line, and low-stakes repetition in the formats you actually use (updates, meetings, short presentations).
